Top 10 Reasons that the Macs SUCK!

Really!
10) You can't use 5-1/4" floppy disks.
9) You can't go shopping with your friends for a Sound Blaster board because Macs don't need one.
8) Your 200 MHz 604e Mac does integer calculation equivalent to a 362 MHz Pentium Pro, but you can only brag about 200 MHz.
7) Networking a Mac is not an impressive feat.
6) Macs don't come in black, and we all know black cabinets make computers faster and louder.
5) You don't have to really learn the inner workings of your computer.
4) And the Mac mouse is too slow. We want our cursor to fly wildly off the screen when we twitch our wrist... because hyper cursors make our PCs look faster.
3) You just plug Macs in and they work. Where's the challenge in that?
2) When you add stuff, you just plug them in and they work, too. Again, no challenge.
..

And the number 1 reason...
1) Your clients and teachers know about 2 and 3, so they expect Mac users to deliver results, not excuses!


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For some more humorous concoctions from various sources, scroll yourself downwards...

RE: Y2k, 2000, Millenium, Viruses, Security Breaches, etc.

Dear Worried Customer:

We at [Vendor Name] are also concerned about what's going to happen
to everyone's computers in the year 2000. Fortunately for us, (and
you) we took the initiative several years ago to organize our systems
around Macintosh computers. We have also guided our critical
suppliers in the use of Macintosh computers. Unlike MSdos based
computers, whose Armageddon comes in the year 2000, our Macintoshs
will perform perfectly through the next several centuries.

Since the introduction of Macintosh computers, we have slowly
switched everything over so that we don't have to participate in the
annual rash of panics from viruses, hacks, and security leaks that
the DOS world seems to be constantly embroiled in. Now that the end
of the world is coming, we simply expect to sit back and watch it
happen.

Surely we will all suffer from this fiasco in some way or another.
Our entire personal and business lives are entwined in this computer
system designed by short sighted geeks. Not that [Vendor Name] is
totally exempt from this disaster. It's just that our systems and
products will not contribute to the confusion.

We can certify that none of our products know or care what planet
they're on, let alone what year it is. We can also safely certify
that our computer systems will not even hiccup until the year 29,740.
After that, we really have no plans, but we'll get back to you.



I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not! But I'm sick and tired of being told that I am! -- Monty Python

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1.Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2. Advising the President. 3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin. -- David Letterman

G: "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
EB: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area." -- Somewhere in No Man's Land, BA4



An auto mechanic received a repair order that said to check for a clunking noise when going around corners.
He took the car out for a test drive and made two right turns, each time hearing a loud clunk.
Back at the shop, he returned the car to the service manager with this note: "Removed bowling ball from trunk."
--

What would *really* be scary is if the new millennium started on Friday the 13th.

- Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

- There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

- What a nice night for an evening.


Winston Churchill was visiting another country. The first evening there, at the state dinner, he pointed to the chicken entree and said, "May I have some breast?"

The hostess raised her eyebrows and curtly responded, "Mr. Churchill, in this country we ask for white meat or dark meat."

"My apologies, Madam, I was not aware of your customs."

The following day, a "thank you" gift was delivered to the party's hostess of a large orchid. The following was written on the note: "I would be obliged if you would pin this on your white meat -- W. Churchill"

---

"If you keep your mind sufficiently open, people will throw a lot of rubbish into it." -William A. Orton

My uncle just told us his latest response when telemarketers call to urge him to switch long distance phone services. He says, "I don't have a phone." They usually say, "oh, I'm sorry." and hang up.

A skeleton walked into a bar and asked for a beer and a mop.

"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." - Carl Sagan

A tall weather-worn cowboy walked into the saloon and ordered a beer. The regulars quietly observed the drifter through half-closed eyelids. No one spoke, but they all noticed that the stranger's hat was made of brown wrapping paper. Less obvious was the fact that his shirt and vest were also made of paper. Truth be told, even his chaps, pants, and boots were paper, including the spurs. Of course he was quickly arrested for rustling...

Sometimes the giant hamster of misfortune doesn't seem to want to run on anybody's wheel but yours.

They say that curiosity killed the cat. Not my cat. He got run over by a tractor-trailor.

Robin: Holy Kleenex, Batman! It was right under our nose and we blew it!
Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Alone: In bad company.
If ever you should need my life, come and take it.
Razors pain you. Rivers are damp. Acids stain you and drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; nooses give. Gas smells awful; you might as well live.
If I had some ham, I could have some ham and eggs, if I had some eggs.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Be alert - the world needs more lerts.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.